• Keldor Interviews the Stars of the SEF #6

      Keldor: Hi, fans, I've returned with another edition of Keldor Interviews! Let's jump right into the first one ...

      Keldor: Itís such an honor to welcome the reigning champions of SEF! Zhanna, you did a tremendous job last month. You brought diversity to the battlefield and your opponents never knew what they were facing until it was too late. Gravebone, even though you didnít help much, I guess you should get some recognition for at least not messing up as badly as I expected.
      Gravebone: What was that!? I resurrected you once already - don't forget I can undo it just as easily.
      Keldor: Nothing, nothing. Zhanna, care to share some war stories?
      Zhanna: I prefer not to talk about the horror of war but to bask in the glory of the peace that follows the necessary bloodshed.
      Keldor: Too deep for me. And I live 6ft under. Do you think you can repeat the success you had last month?
      Zhanna: It's going pretty well so far with Skervox by my side, apart from the stench.
      Gravebone: I'm sure he'll get used to it!
      Keldor: Hey, I do the jokes around here! Gravebone, how do you explain Zhanna's better performance than your own?
      Gravebone: I did everything right! I raised some of the biggest monsters earth has ever seen. Alas, they succumbed to the floods brought by Zhanna and her colleagues. I must find new allies! Ones that donít drown in a puddle of water.
      Keldor: A bad necromancer always blames the corpses.
      Gravebone: Thatís it, youíre going back in the ground!
      Zhanna: Violence is never the answer. Join me in a focused prayer that will bring peace to your hearts and minds ...
      Keldor: CUT!

      Keldor: Phew! Now that security has taken care of Gravebone, Iíd like to welcome the worst of the worst. Champion of March but April's biggest loser, Gwenneth Truesight! This was totally unexpected, especially since you made fun of Zal in March as the weaker of you two.
      Gwenneth: He is ...
      Keldor: 6th in ranking for April and currently 2nd for May.
      Gwenneth: Really? Has he had to worry about having Logan on the team?
      Keldor: Hey, itís not nice to make fun of people - or beasts - behind their back.
      Gwenneth: Itís nearly impossible to do anything *behind* his back as he spends most of his time on it, showing his yellow belly! Abominable coward!
      Keldor: He was supposed to be here today. Any idea where is he now?
      Gwenneth: Probably got lost on the way. Seeing as losing is the only thing heís good at.
      Keldor: Good, get it out of your system.
      Gwenneth: I swear Iíve seen him having trouble beating a few eggs one morning. What chance does he have of beating anything more threatening on the battlefield?
      Keldor: Any thoughts on your new partner?
      Gwenneth: Majiya is certainly a capable mage and I know she canít let me down harder than Logan did.
      Keldor: Does it mean youíre hoping to regain the SEF throne?
      Gwenneth: Not at all. Vull distributed the new tools unfairly. I canít effectively use most of the arsenal he has provided. I will do my best and hope Maj does her fair share.
      Keldor: Iím sure youíll find a way, Gwen. I hope I wonít be seeing you in the losers interview next month.
      Gwenneth: I believe that position is reserved for Logan.
      Keldor: I kinda feel sorry for the guy.
      Gwenneth: I donít.
      Keldor: Well, I honestly wasn't expecting this to be such a downer, but that was before I knew Logan wouldn't be here to poke fun at! Thanks for joining us, Gwenneth.

      Keldor: And now, for our final interview of this episode, we are in for a treat tonight as we are joined by the fearsome team of Jericho and Vess! Congrats on the second place in April, guys and gals. It seems priests are dominating the competition at the moment. What do you think of the new tools Vull provided?
      Jericho: The new recruits are quite fun to use, I canít complain.
      Vess: You definitely got the better part of that deal. I have trouble using any of the new spells or allies.
      Keldor: Vess, are you aware that your fans are not particularly popular among other SEF fans?
      Vess: Iím glad you asked that question. I believe most of my fans misunderstand what I stand for and what Iím really good at. My abilities compliment an aggressive gameplan more than any other. Even the one photo they took of me shows me running furiously toward the photographer, not hiding inside an overbuilt armor.
      Jericho: That would explain why thereís only one photo of you.
      Vess: Yeah, that guy wonít be getting any gigs soon, unless they have weddings in hell.
      Keldor: Any thoughts on your current partners? Do any of you hope to win SEF this month?
      Jericho: In all honesty, if I failed to take the championship with Vess, I canít hope to do better with Raikka.
      Vess: I feel the same way about Aramia. Jerry, I know we had our differences during the last month, but I would much prefer your company over the one of weak mages.
      Jericho: Thanks! I share your sentiment.
      Vess: And your idea was really good, we should totally work on that.
      Jericho: Which one? Skincare for animated corpses?
      Vess: Yeah! If marketed right, it could be a huge success. Plus, thereís no competition.
      Keldor: Jerry and Vess, sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I ...
      Jericho: Oh grow up, K.
      Keldor: Can't blame a guy for trying! A bit of romance is good for ratings.

      Keldor: Speaking of which, it's time for me to love you and leave you now. See you next time!

      This article was originally published in forum thread: Keldor Interviews the Stars of the SEF #6 started by Gondorian
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