Not sure where this belongs. It could very well belong in the strategy section of this forums, but I feel conversational fencing, with the aim of disrupting your opponent's game, is tacit knowledge.
So, this is going to be a short, very long story about a real game and the in-game dialogue that took place between us. Included in the narrative will my internal monologue. Again, everything that you read here really did occur. There is no paraphrasing. There is no exaggerating. The opponent's IGN has been changed to protect his identity. It was just a generic mash-on-the-number-pad names anyway. I have substituted a random number that I fabricated myself in the interests of keeping as true to the actual events as possible.
Now, a lot of people will think this is weird, but I have a rather unusual habit when playing Shadow Era; I wear a 3-piece suit whilst playing. It makes me feel professional and helps me "get in the zone". So, on this (unbeknownst to me at the time) monumental day I donned my usual attire, scooped my phone up and fumbled for the Shadow Era icon. Ah, I was greeted by the familiar loading screen. The obliging login screen already had my details saved, as always. I log in. I go straight to quick match.
An opponent is quickly pitted against me. The first thing I see is Aramia. Piece of sh**! I tentatively wait to see how big his deck is to get my first clue of the sort of skill bracket he's in. It quickly rises. Past the 40 card mark. Past the 50 card mark. Still rising. Past the 100 card mark. 156 cards! Why on God's green earth would you choose such an arbitrary number for a deck? Is he playing mind games? Am I against a mind gamer?! Oh no! Please no! Knowing the Shadow Era matchmaking system all too well and how flippant it is, I narrowed down his rating to between 0 and 350. I should note at this point that I was playing a priest deck - the one that does arcane damage when engaged in combat. The fate of RNG decided that I go first. This was both good and bad. The good was that I got the inherent advantage of going first. The bad was that I would have no intel on my opponent, other than the size of his enormous stack, in order to react accordingly. By intel, I don't mean what his actions were, I mean his username. You see, the true battle in Shadow Era doesn't occur on the board, it occurs in the form of chat between the players. And because names tell a lot about what sort of person a player is, names are of paramount importance. I sacrifice a random card and end my turn. Like I said, the cards don't matter.
His name appears at the bottom of my screen 9328277458, Motherchuffer! What am i supposed to make of this sh**bag name? Stay cool. Stay cool. He probably wants this sort of reaction. So the username was a tricky one. Clearly I was against a clever adversary. I would need to pull out all the tricks in the book to win this.
Now I had two pivotal choices; either I would wait for him to say something or I would have to initiate the conversation. The tension was palpable. Before I could decide a message pops up on the screen.
"Hi," he greets me.
A generic Hi. Clearly pretending to be nice. You may think you're clever, but I know you're pond scum. The advantage I have is that you don't know that I know this. hehe!
"GL HF," follows.
GL HF? Clearly trying to get a rise out of me. You trivial, cretin. You can't perturb me
See, I know some of you will think he's just being nice. However, you are unaware of how offensive this traditional message is. It is an order, a command. Would you really go up to a stranger in person and tell them to sit over there? What if I don't wish to have fun and don't want luck? This is insensitive to my personal fancies. Also, I know he's a lowlife. I just know it.
Two can play at this game, you worthless charlatan. What pre-made response should I resort to? Gaming vernacular is limited but adequate for any and all situations.
"U 2 m8," was my first message.
Can't give away anything to this festering excuse of a human being. Now I would bide my time and wait for his next response. That would be when the real game would begin.
A few turns pass by without word from nemesis. He is quiet. Clearly not confident in securing a win, he doesn't want to dig himself into a hole of embarrassment. Clever. However, things on the board aren't going well. His lowbob creatures quickly dominates the board. He even has that pathetic 3/1 creature for 2 resources on the board. Normally, allies are no problem for my priest deck as I have 4 tidals to clear the board, but as he'd played lowbob creatures he'd already taken a nice chunk of my health before I could get one out. I decide this has gone far enough and decide to act.
"I have a tidal," I message him.
Immediately, he asks, "wat is tidal?"
Sure, ***hole. Sure you don't know. Everybody and their grandma knows tidal. I see right through you. I play along.
"you'll see lol," I insincerely told him.
The lol and smiley face were to play him at his own game. He was evidently being bogusly nice. What a sham of human being. A disgrace to my species. I had to do the same initially to lure him into a false sense of security. Then when the iron was hot, I'd strike.
Tidal decimates his pesky smalltime creatures.
"wow nice," he tells me.
My time is now. I go to a full-length mirror. You are The F****ng Boss. Time to release some of my poison. I resort to a classic one-two.
"noob detected," sets up for the two.
"haha yeah," he mocks.
Nice try, 9328277458. I know you play this game every minute of every day. Your fake laughter and claims of being a noob are a thin veil transparent to my experienced eyes. I bet you don't even laugh when you type haha. You need this like I need this. We are the same. There is no outside world. There is only the here and now, this game. Whoever wins here, wins at life. Whoever loses, loses everything. My palms start sweating. A vein on the side of my head starts throbbing and beings to rear it's ugly head. I take solace in the fact that my opponent would feel similarly.
Now that everything was in place, I just had to wait for him to make a mistake, or until i delivered the next big blow. A few turns go by and just like any crappy mage deck he managed to some more chip damage with fireballs and lightnings. Luckily my 2/5 arcane creature mitigated some of this damage. I control the board. He runs out of cards. It's safe to continue my plan.
"noob confirmed hehe," i goad.
"yep lol," is his rebuttal.
"I am new," he continues.
Oh no you just didn't! This might work on other small-minded, or empathetic or even ugh nice players, but I'm immune to this sh** You might be thinking what did he do? As a normal player you might look at his claim on the face of it and assume that he really is a beginner. I am not normal however. I am abnormal. I read between the lines. You see, everyone has a their favourite cards. You may even think you know what the best card in the game is. You're wrong. I'll let you in on one of the biggest secrets - what the best card is. No, not Bad Santa( I tried," or "why do i keep losing?" or "this is my 9th loss in a row. it's so unfair. I think I'm gonna uninstall." Needless to say, most of the time a veteran shining white knight would leave to let me win. Pathetic suckers.
"me too, but i am pro," is my equally bogus claim.
How do you like them apples. I've got you on the ropes.
"haha yeah ur cards are cool," he praises.
You're consistent with your false identity, I'll give you that. You're just unlucky you encountered my erudite self. Anybody else, and I'm sure you woudl have had your way with them
Now the only thing I had to worry about were Novas wiping my creatures and bringing me near to the death threshold. I fancied my chances however. He had more than 120 cards left in his deck. There was no way it was gonna happen.
He draws a card...
"haha!," he exclaims.
Oh s***! Oh f***. No way. No f****** way!!! Then it came....NOVA.
youmotherchuffingluckydrippingsackoflumpycurdeling festeringc***butteryoucan'tbeseriousjustnonothisis n'thappeningthiscan'tbehappening My head was spinning. I lost all composure. I think the vein in the side of my head popped. I legs began to spasm. My suit was soaked in the sweat. I saw red. I wanted to kill this guy. I did the maths quickly in my head. Given a best case scenario in which had 4 Novas in his deck and he hadn't mucked any that would mean his chances were 4/120 or what translated as roughly 1 in 1350000000 in my head. In the heat of the moment i typed something out.
"OMG SO LUCKY," I blurted out.
Oh no. Caught up in the moment I had lost myself and broken one of my own basic rules: never ever resort to luck as an excuse. Oh crap. Compose yourself, veryniceguy. You are it. I think the vein on the side of my head. You are the bee's knees. You've got this. No point dwelling on mistakes. Think forwards, never backwards, At that moment, I decided to do something crazy. Something I had never done before. I wasn't sure it'd be the right thing to do, but drastic circumstances demanded drastic action; I looked in the mirror for some self assurance before doing it, then I did it. I took off my tie.
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Originally Posted by VeryNiceGuy
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