Bullying (Serious Post)

**Gondorian** · 01-13-2013, 02:35 AM

Disclaimer: This isn't in response to any particular thing that's happened in the land of Shadow Era.

I just was just reminded of how significant a problem bullying has become in schools, especially with cyber bullying, when watching a couple of Kids/Teens React episodes on youtube. They're pretty powerful, I think, so I'll share them here.

(I recommend you read the rest after watching the videos.)

I count myself lucky that I'm not in school any more, I joined Facebook so long ago that I barely check it anymore, and I'm in a job where there doesn't seem to be any workplace bullying. But I'm guessing there are young people in the Shadow Era community who aren't so lucky and do face this kind of BS, or maybe people you know might be victims.

If you are being bullied, remember that you have been singled out because, for whatever reason, the bully either feels threatened by you or they are trying to distract people by putting attention on you to keep themselves safe. It's not because you suck! Something great about you has made the bully uncomfortable. But, even if you know this, it will feel very lonely when this is happening.

My advice to you, if you are being bullied (or you just feel really low for some other reason), is to reach out to others who might be suffering as well, or just become a good listener and show interest in people - preferably new people who aren't aware of you being a target of bullying. If they're a decent person, which most people are (hard to believe, but it's true!), you'll soon realise there's no problem with you - just a big ugly problem living inside the bully. You'll know you're coping well if you end up feeling sorry for the bully!

If you're lucky enough not to be a bullying victim, but you are aware of bullying taking place (or think there might be a chance of it - people hide it well!), don't just sit back and let it continue. You don't have to take on the bully, risking yourself, but do reach out to the possible victim and just be a friend. Listen to them, show interest in them, let them know that you're there for them. (Whether they were being bullied or not, people appreciate this!) You might not even like the person, but not liking someone doesn't mean you want them to come to harm, but that's where bullying can lead if the victim doesn't get some kind of support.

End of serious message.

I'll go back to friendly trolling now.

**Index** · 01-13-2013, 02:39 AM

I used to be bullied in middle school, but after entering high school when I grow up taller everything just become fine.
Now I am considering how to take care of my children when I have child.

**Mew Two** · 01-13-2013, 02:47 AM

I've never been bullied... I feel really lucky! I'm still in high school so I guess it's still posible though

**Vitality** · 01-13-2013, 02:56 AM

If someone tried to bully me I fought them lol. Even if they were obviously bigger than me. Win some lose some. But even if you lose you got respect for takin a beating and they usually will stop messing with you.

That's just me. I was taught to not take crap from anybody and defend myself.

**Index** · 01-13-2013, 03:04 AM

You are right Vitality! I should have learnt this before middle school, then I probably won't be bullied.

**MistahBoweh** · 01-13-2013, 04:42 AM

(This is not a serious post)

Aww Gondorian, someone take your lunch money again?

(end unseriousness)

In my experience, it's not as much the bullying itself that can be a problem, but the reactions people have. Sure, life can be shit sometimes,but that just means it's time for a change, not acceptance. The sad part comes when kids who get picked on start thinking it's okay; they come up with some rationale for why they deserve it. It's a self esteem thing, and that's the part I don't like.

What I say to people is that while everyone has a motive for their actions, sometimes the people acting are the only ones who understand the connection. Somebody might get abused at home so they want to lash out or they think abusing others is okay, but that doesn't mean that you specifically are targeted. The reason a bully bullies and the reason they bully you in particular are usually unrelated and, in fact, it's a good chance one day you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Even if you do accept shit happens, which you shouldn't, you definitely shouldn't try to rationalize the bully's motivation.

Just because shit happens doesn't mean you should lie down and take it. Just because someone's intimidating doesn't mean they're better than anyone else. And just because you're being bullied, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with who you are as a person. It may feel that way, but if someone goes out looking to belittle others, they're not looking to belittle anyone in particular, just the first person they come across. Being a victim in no way sets you apart from the crowd.

---

I personally have sort of an odd past. As some of you know, I hail from I tiny new england farm town, lots of cows and football and pretty much nothing else. As many of you can imagine from the fact alone that I'm posting here, I hardly shared any interests with the same 90 kids that made up my class in grades k-8.

I was isolated a bit in my first couple years; the few friends I made ended up moving away pretty quickly and I was pretty much alone. This was still the mid to late 90s, so while cell phones and the internet were things, they weren't exactly commonplace for gradeschoolers. I didn't get a whole lot of socialization and never really got that there's a lot more of mes out there.

As a result, I got used to peers trying to talk to me having no respect for me whatsoever, and because of this without realizing it I became the harsh and abrasive one, not the other way around. I was never physically bullied much (and I started taking karate lessons by second grade, I don't remember ever actually getting hurt) but by that point it didn't matter. It was the initial isolation I had felt that pretty much boned over a good 7-8 years of my life.

By the time I got to High School, however, things were a lot different. I'd been introduced to the world wide web by then, of course, and with the added bonus of moving up from a class of 90 to a class of 900. I got the idea in my head that there was going to be a fresh start, a new me, and after a few months, I looked back and realized I was the one who kept distancing myself, not the other way around. All it took was me not dwelling in my own poor self-image, really.

tl;dr: life becomes a bit better the second you stop blaming yourself for it being bad. At least, that's how it worked for me, but I prolly had it pretty easy, so whatever. #firstworldproblems

**Ekoz** · 01-13-2013, 05:37 AM

this is going to make me sound like a jackass, but here goes...

i don't like it when people say bullying shouldn't exist.

not that i like bullying, or that i think it's great; not that i think you should let it slide (you shouldn't), that you shouldn't help if you see it (you should), or that you shouldn't be against it (you should).

but the reality is, the stone cold reality; bullying isn't just a thing you experience as a kid. you get "bullied" by bosses who could give two shits about your wants; by fellow employees looking to get that same spot that you want; by people wealthier than you who want to, and have the resources to, use you.

nowadays, there's 110% effort to knock out bullying as if that would be the end of it. kids who are bullied are treated royally, and kids who are bullies are chastised like their face has grown a talking horse phallus. and while that's good (NOTE: not referring the phallus part being good. If your child has actually grown a sentient horse penis on their face; immediately seek the closest crucifix you can find and weep.); is it really helping the bullied child in question?

no, it isn't. when they leave school, and enter the real world - that shit will hit them like a brick wall and nobody is going to stand there and send the person who's making their life hell away for a week. because throughout school, they've never been taught to respond - hell, nowadays, kids who respond are PUNISHED FOR RESPONDING. but that's not the worst part. the worst part is they've been taught that the bad guy always looses, and that they're always the good guy.
The cultural mind has taken a hyper-protective mindset against bullying. bullying is, and never has been, good. But in the quest of helping those who experience it, they've made a safety net. a safety net that goes away at the age of 18, but it's been there for 18 years so kids just walk off without even looking.

furthermore, it actually sets them up to be hurt even worse later in life.

there are some things that bullying about is inexcusable, and from which the consequences are painful and scarring. i'm assuming you all know about the young man at Rutgers, NJ who was basically bullied into committing suicide, just for his "life" choices. things like that - that's the type of bullying that needs to be stopped, cold turkey. making fun of someone because of a life choice, be it religious, sexual, dietary, activity-based; or maybe even because of something they can't control like race, gender or height, is doing nothing but harm in the sense that you are directly insulting something they were born as, or have chosen to do, for no other reason than the fact you don't agree. that's not "aggressive criticism"; that's called being Westboro Baptist Church.

but what about kids who just...don't take showers? act irreverent? eat for too much, or in a far too disgusting manner? dress inappropriately? putting them on a pedestal needs to stop. because they are doing something wrong. and that behavior is exactly what sets them up to experience failure after failure, when the real world comes around and they don't get hired, they don't find friends, etc. bullying them is not the answer, but this new practice of acting like bullying is never their fault needs to stop.
because sometimes...it is their fault. the best we can do in those situations is tell them what they're doing wrong. bullies are; they're just being assholes about it. but we shouldn't take the other route and not tell them. that's almost as asshole-ish as bullies in the first place.

**PP Star 4ever** · 01-13-2013, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by Ekoz

this is going to make me sound like a jackass, but here goes...

i don't like it when people say bullying shouldn't exist.

not that i like bullying, or that i think it's great; not that i think you should let it slide (you shouldn't), that you shouldn't help if you see it (you should), or that you shouldn't be against it (you should).

but the reality is, the stone cold reality; bullying isn't just a thing you experience as a kid. you get "bullied" by bosses who could give two shits about your wants; by fellow employees looking to get that same spot that you want; by people wealthier than you who want to, and have the resources to, use you.

nowadays, there's 110% effort to knock out bullying as if that would be the end of it. kids who are bullied are treated royally, and kids who are bullies are chastised like their face has grown a talking horse phallus. and while that's good (NOTE: not referring the phallus part being good. If your child has actually grown a sentient horse penis on their face; immediately seek the closest crucifix you can find and weep.); is it really helping the bullied child in question?

no, it isn't. when they leave school, and enter the real world - that shit will hit them like a brick wall and nobody is going to stand there and send the person who's making their life hell away for a week. because throughout school, they've never been taught to respond - hell, nowadays, kids who respond are PUNISHED FOR RESPONDING. but that's not the worst part. the worst part is they've been taught that the bad guy always looses, and that they're always the good guy.
The cultural mind has taken a hyper-protective mindset against bullying. bullying is, and never has been, good. But in the quest of helping those who experience it, they've made a safety net. a safety net that goes away at the age of 18, but it's been there for 18 years so kids just walk off without even looking.

furthermore, it actually sets them up to be hurt even worse later in life.

there are some things that bullying about is inexcusable, and from which the consequences are painful and scarring. i'm assuming you all know about the young man at Rutgers, NJ who was basically bullied into committing suicide, just for his "life" choices. things like that - that's the type of bullying that needs to be stopped, cold turkey. making fun of someone because of a life choice, be it religious, sexual, dietary, activity-based; or maybe even because of something they can't control like race, gender or height, is doing nothing but harm in the sense that you are directly insulting something they were born as, or have chosen to do, for no other reason than the fact you don't agree. that's not "aggressive criticism"; that's called being Westboro Baptist Church.

but what about kids who just...don't take showers? act irreverent? eat for too much, or in a far too disgusting manner? dress inappropriately? putting them on a pedestal needs to stop. because they are doing something wrong. and that behavior is exactly what sets them up to experience failure after failure, when the real world comes around and they don't get hired, they don't find friends, etc. bullying them is not the answer, but this new practice of acting like bullying is never their fault needs to stop.
because sometimes...it is their fault. the best we can do in those situations is tell them what they're doing wrong. bullies are; they're just being assholes about it. but we shouldn't take the other route and not tell them. that's almost as asshole-ish as bullies in the first place.

I'm impressed

**kentuequi** · 01-13-2013, 07:27 AM

I was bullied when i was young, maybe because i was first rank in my class, i gave up socializing and became better, i also used my brain against these bullies, they falled for it, haha, then i became friend with some punks, 4 years latter, i was last rank in my class... Lol, good memories...

Conclusion: don't mind people around you, enjoy yourself, if you can't go to the left, go to the right, there's always things to enjoy anyway.

**Speed Freak** · 01-13-2013, 08:46 AM

I was the tallest boy in my batch when I was in 1-8th grade but I was very very shy and I stammered a lot. Senior students bullied me all the time until one day when I was in 7th grade, I pulled off a "Hulk-like" move and lifted a 9th grade student and smashed him on the desk. I broke his rib, and since that day I have been free from any kind of bullying. I'm 21 now and when me and my friends get together, we still laugh about that day.

About cyber bullying, I have no idea how it affects a person or how a "cyber bully" bullies someone.
O.o