Rated SSS

[AnAdolt]

Warning: Contents may cause allergic reactions to the mature of mind. SERIOUSLY!

The Rated Sexually Suggestive Submissions thread. In light of a post by Ice, I thought it'd be fun to have a thread with funny card entries for the hero equipment contests that were sexually suggestive.

With the exception of my highlighting, for easier skimming, all quotes are taken unmodified but lots were cropped of side comments. Some side comments seemed explicit and funny so I included them. Still 11 card threads I have yet to read so I'll post the rest in the near future.

Feel free to crack jokes, question why I highlighted certain things, mock my maturity, or just comment in general.

Name: Demon Mouth
Casting Cost: 2
Attack: 3
Durability: 99
Effect: At the beginning of your turn, Demon Mouth deals 2 damage to your hero.
Flavor Text: You wanted me! You called me! I served you! Now pay me!

Name: Filthy Dancer
Casting Cost: 5
Attack: 2
Durability: 5
Effect: attacked enemy is exhausted next turn, cant attack exhausting enemy.

Name: Double Penetrator
Casting Cost: 5
Attack: 2
Durability: 4
Effect: If attack kills target choose another target ally that will be crippled and unable to attack or defend for 2 turns.
Flavour text: "Now you're really shafted!".

The arrow is too big and it does not make sense how the guy is holding it. One more minor thing: I would reduce the shine to the peak of the arrow, since otherwise the archer would be affected by the negative magic himself? It looks like a frost arrow to me, and in my imagination the archer would freeze to it.^^

No offense, I am only writing this because most cards have a great illustration: Dont like the art on this one. The arrow is too big and it does not make sense how the guy is holding it.

The way I see it, the bow generates arrows made of magical energies at its "mouth." Just how I see it, though.

name: Emerald Sunset
cost: 5
durability: 3
attack: +2
effect: after you hit target character with Emerald Sunset, destroy an equipped item to the target .
text: ''Or is it the Great Dripping Sword of Goo? ...i don't remember.''

Judging by the picture, you could get pretty aggressive with that armor. The idea of all my heavy armor ideas is that you can temporarily use the armor in a different way then expected, but while using its effect you can't prevent any damage.

Name: Lion Heart's Armor:
Cost: 6
Effect All of your allied damage is reduced by 1 when attacked
Defence: Reduce damage by 1 when attacked.
Flave Text: You are going to need more power to penetrate my armor.

Your enemy knows it has high defense so they will send their weenies in to wear it down.

Name: Shard Armor
Cost: 5
Effect: absorb 1 damage each turn
Defense: 3
Flavor: "Not hard enough"

Name: Wyvern's Sting
Casting Cost: 4
Attack: 2
Durability: 5
Effect: An ally damaged by Wyvern's Sting cannot defend for the rest of the battle
Flavor Text: "This may sting a little"

Name: Dismember
Casting Cost: 6
Attack: 10
Durability: 3
Effect: Deals half damage to heroes
Flavour Text: "Say hello to my little friend..."

Name: Poisons Gentle Kiss
Casting Costs: 5
Attack: none
Durability: 3
Effect: Poisens Gentle Kiss poisens an ally, the ally suffers 1 Poisen-Damage per turn.
Flavor Text: Come here and kiss my blade!

Name: The Biggest One They Got!
Casting Cost: 5
Attack: 6
Durability: 3
Effect: Hero cannot defend. Hero is exhausted when "The Biggest One They Got!" comes into play.
Flavor Text: "Some people carry a big stick, I carry...well, I think you can see." or "This thing's bigger than I am!"

Name: The Reaper's Tongue
Casting Cost: 5
Attack: 2
Durability: 3
Effect: Stabs enemy with the lowest hitpoints. Durability decreases with each stab. Stab is automatic.
Flavor Text: I claim your soul.

Name: Mini Me
Casting Cost: 5
Attack: 2
Durability: 4
Effect: Hero is shrunk in size, attacks on hero have a 50% chance of missing.
Flavor Text: Size isn't everything.

Name: Blade of Atonement
Casting Cost: 5
Attack: 5
Durability: 2
Effect: Effect is doubled when ally is exhausted.
Flavor Text: Call that a blade? THIS is a blade!

[Ice]

Thread of the day, every day, hands down. I don't care how immature it is. Laughed for several minutes at the quotes from Kyle and autumnleaf.

[autumnleaf]

o jeez, didn't even think of that when i suggested it lmao!

great thread. loved the comment from kyle.

[tk5]

Whoop, made the list Nice thread.

[Narziss]

Yes...this is....amazing. At first I wasn't sure if I found the childish sexual humor funny, but by the end I was crying in laugher.

Oh god --

"Your enemy knows it has high defense so they will send their weenies in to wear it down." --Kyle


All this stuff is so silly out of context and within the vicinity of other dirty things. I was actually thinking about all the silly and off entries, especially all those in the thread for suggestions for that one medium armor serpent bikini thing.

[AnAdolt]

@Ice Hey, you're in there too mister.

@tk5 The initial list had more people but I had to trim it down.

@Narziss Yeah, some stuff were slightly taken out of context. As mention, I still have 11 more card threads to go through so more childish humour on the way; probably on Monday or Tuesday.

[AnAdolt]

My editorial sure killed the second installment; short and lacklustre in comparison. Anyways, to finish:

Name: Enflamed Staff
Cost: 4
Attack: 1
Durability: 4
Effect: (3 Shadow Energy) Deal 2 damage to all Heroes and Allies, and destroy Enflamed Staff.
Flavor: "Inflamed? You should probably have that checked out."

Name: Ivy Arm Guards
Cost: 2
Defense: 1
Durability: 3
Effect: Ongoing: When the equipped Hero is attacked, the attacker becomes poisoned and takes 1 poison damage for the next 2 turns. This damage can not be reduced.
Flavor: "I've got a lotion for that."

Name: Crystallized Void
Casting Cost: 6
Attack: 3
Durability: 3
Effect: Channel an enemy, make them unable to attack and stole 3 HP from them
Flavor Text: "Fill my void"

Name: Nagahide Undergarments
Cost : 2
Effect : Opposing allies have -1 health when attacking equipped hero. (Allies with zero health are destroyed.)
Defense : 0
Flavor: "Finally, a snake to go in my trousers." -- Zihanna Mist

Name: Armor of Growth
Cost: 3
Defense: 1
Durability: 4
Effect: At the start of every turn of the Armor of Growth's owner, add one defense to it.
Flavor: "Protect the forest, and the forest will protect you." or "Some hunters says they're one with the forest, but you're taking it too far."

I am really not satisfied with any of the flavor text I suggested... Oh man...

Edit: Just thought of another flavor text: "Is the forest growing in you?" ... Still, not satisfied...

Edit 2: Correcting the effect text and trying a new flavor text: "Let the forest embrace you" Humm, I really liked this last one XD

And yes, I am Canadian, we live in igloos.

[autumnleaf]

i thought most of it was pretty good except for the planeshift one, you had to make to many highlights for it to work.

[followtheRain]

haaah lol I was sort of anticipating that my post about the "arrow" could be "misunderstood" while writing it. Funny thread.

[AnAdolt]

@autumleaf Yeah? I thought the first line--"Some hunters says they're one with the forest, but you're taking it too far."--was enough. The rest were alluding PlaneShift, himself, possibly being one of these "hunters".