• Keldor Interviews the Stars of the SEF #3

      Keldor: Hi, fans, welcome back to another edition of Keldor Interviews! Today I will be interviewing four teams due to popular demand!
      Keldor: First up, we'll be hearing from Team Righteous Beauty, Threbin and Majiya ...

      Keldor: Majiya, where did you get those earrings? They’re amazing! If I had ears I’d get some myself!

      Majiya: Remember your place or you will be missing more than just ears by the time these interviews are over!
      Keldor: Threbin - may I call you Threb? What’s it like to be paired with such a beautiful teammate? Have you asked her out yet? Do you think she’d go out with me?

      Threbin: You know, Kel, she might. But after that last threat, I think we have better chances with Amber. At least I can see a blade coming, unlike a fireball.
      Keldor: Well now that it’s apparent I have zero chance with Majiya ... do either of you think I have a shot with Gwen?
      Majiya: I think she may have a shot FOR you instead. Go ahead and ask her.

      Threbin: I think she may prefer men with ears.
      Keldor: Well I certainly can't believe I'm hearing this ... !

      Keldor: OK, moving on ... let's talk to Team Zhanna and the King next ...

      Keldor: Rothem, so you think other heroes will be gunning for you since, if it weren’t for you and the war you started, Vull probably wouldn’t have captured you all in the first place?
      Rothem: Let them come. I have had more time to master my crystal than all of them. Worst case, I am good friends with Gravy over there.
      Keldor: That makes two of us! Zhanna, what’s your strategy? Are you in it to win it, or are you going to stay out of the way and let Rothem take his lumps?
      Zhanna: The Seven guide my hand. Perhaps they will guide them to Rothem’s traitorous throat.
      Keldor: But can a king even be a traitor? I'll leave that for the audience to figure out. But for the both of you, I have to ask, when this is all over ... do you think Gwen would go out with me?
      Rothem: When this is all over, you will need Gravebone’s help to score a date with Gwen. Just make sure he remembers her ears.
      Zhanna: No.

      Keldor: Whilst that was short and sweet, Zhanna, much like you must have been once, I prefer Rothem's answer ... although ears are not really required for what I have planned ...

      Keldor: Hmm, I might have revealed too much there. I think I'll stalk swiftly onto Team Swift Stalker - see what I did there?

      Keldor: Lance, you’ve got a really sick ninja vibe going on. Can you teach me some moves?

      Lance: I believe you lack the brains and the muscle structure to be on my level, son! Just like my buddy Band-Aid here.

      Keldor: Vess, I have to know ... can you actually see through those linen wraps?

      Vess: My eyes are not in my head. Not sure why the hell they relocated them upon my second burial. Care to guess where? Probably the same place as your ears.
      Keldor: Why is everyone so obsessed with my ears or lack of? The main thing is surely that I have a mouth for delivering such great lines. Speaking of which, here's a question for both of you: if you had 1 million gold, what would you do with it?
      Lance: I’d buy Thoughtripper’s Cutlass from her, and use it to end this partnership.
      Vess: I’d finish up building Fort Rothem, and it would be known as Castle Vess.
      Keldor: Very interesting answers! Thank you for your time and good luck in the rest of the event!

      Keldor: Now we move onto a team I have been saving for last, so I don't have to rush off if things are going well. It's the team I like to refer to as Two Girls One Keldor ...

      Keldor: Raikka, who’s your stylist? You are definitely channeling a princess from a galaxy far, far away with that hairdo.

      Raikka: Ogmagan stylists are among the most talented in all the worlds. Perhaps when this is over, I can help this lazy rogue fix her disheveled, un-ladylike appearance. Before I torch her.
      Keldor: Hot stuff! Serena, you’re known for your skill with weapons. Which one is your favorite?
      Serena: At one point it was the Spirit Shuriken. But then all the kids wanted to be cool and bought fake ones from the Shadow bazaar, and it lost its appeal. Nowadays it has to be my Cutlass, which is not for sale!

      Keldor: I'll be sure to let Lance know that. Now this next question is for the both of you: what is your favorite season of the year and why?

      Raikka: Winter. It allows me to stay nice and toasty while I watch my scantily clad enemies freeze.
      Serena: I'm not sure, but definitely not the fall. The leaves ruin my stealthy approach, which got much more difficult without my projectile favorite.
      Keldor: But I'm sure it would be wonderful to hear you coming, if only I had the ears for it. Though I must say it is a joy to read your lips ...
      Serena: If only I could say the same about reading your mind. Sheesh. I think it's time we both got out of here, Raikka.
      Keldor: Please don't leave. I have cleared my entire calendar for you two.
      Raikka: You really need not have bothered cancelling your Soldout Stand-Up Tour for us ... Oh wait, I confused you with the Eternal Troll who actually can raise a chuckle from people ...

      This article was originally published in forum thread: Keldor Interviews the Stars of the SEF #3 started by Gondorian
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      1. Bayfighter's Avatar
        Bayfighter -
        Dam, that sick burn from Raikka at the end! Her words sting more than any Fireball...
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